Courage Under Fire

When I was asked to write this paper about my experience with cancer in my life and how courage has played a part in it, I thought it would be easy to find the words. Being outspoken, words usually come pretty easy to me. But the words somehow escape me when it comes to my father, but I will try nonetheless. Webster dictionary defines Courage as a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger of pain without showing fear. And that’s what he did. To me, Jack Schnabel, my father, was the most courageous man I have ever known.

His cancer story started on February 8, 1991 when he was diagnosed with colon cancer. I still remember the day he told. me. What do you say to your father when he tells you something like that? I cried. I’m a good crier, always have been. A week later, surgery removed the golf ball sized tumor. The following month would be full of radiation treatments and chemotherapy. My father never complained. He gained his strength back and life started to get back on track. That winter, we look forward to the holidays because Dad was okay. But a phone call on the 21st of December would change that forever.

His routine blood test results were in and it wasn’t good. His CEA level was high, that meant cancer was back. My father died that day. Not physically, but mentally his life didn’t matter anymore. Merry Christmas. What happened to the courageous man that fought cancer and won before? My mother died when I was 17 and my father never got over it. In my mind he wanted his life to be over so he could once again be with my mother. Does that make him any less courageous? Not to me. They say you should never judge one mans actions until you’ve walked in his shoes. This is so true. My father died on May 11, 1993, cancer had taken over his entire body and had taken him from 190 lbs. to 70 lbs. In what I can say was the most horrific 17 months anyone could live.

People tell me I’ve inherited a lot from my father. His smile, his laugh, his baldhead and great looks. (HA!HA!) The doctors tell me I’ve also inherited something from my father, the predisposition for colon cancer. I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome shortly after my father’s death. In 1997, I was diagnosed with Chrohns Disease, a disease that slowly hardens your bowel and colon and make your life a living hell. The last four months have seen 5 biopsies and an elevated CEA level but no cancer. Seventeen pills a day to try and keep things in check will take a toll on you both physically, and especially mentally. With all the death and cancer in my life it’s hard to be positive at times. My only prayer at night is that if or when the day should come that I may face cancer, I can have the courage to fight. My father was the most courageous man I ever knew. I love and miss him dearly.

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